Tellietubbies: The Truth Behind Them
by K.Furi
Summary: This is what happens when you mix a pissed off author and a bad TV show for kids.


**ONE-SHOT** Okay… in here 'name of speaker' means 'said', okay? I'm too lazy to write it every time and it takes away from the humour anyway. This is just something for fun, don't think to deeply about it because it's so shallow you could stand in a puddle of it and not get your shoes wet. I own nothing that appears in here except the new Tubby. She is my friend. P

**DISCLAIMER:** NO FUCKING WAY! I HATE IT AND NEVER WANT TO OWN IT!

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**The Truth Behind The Tellietubbies

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**

The weird narrator voice that seems to come from the freaky floating baby head that looks like the sun It's another beautiful day in Tellietubbie land. The sun is shining and the grass is green. And there was to be a special visitor that day. The Tubby's were very excited about it.

TinkyWinky, Dipsy, Lala and Po all giggle outside their dome house thing. A vroom, vroom is heard. Suddenly a motorbike zooms past and crashes into the vacuum cleaner. A black Tellietubbie with an antenna in the shape of a pentagram gets off. The TV on the stomach showed Kerrang! Non-Stop Rock!

Narrator/Baby head/Sun Oh no! You hurt him!

Black T'tubbie I did? Damn…I was hoping to kill the fucking thing…

Narrator/Baby/Sun You can't swear! Or hurt things! This is Tellietubby land!

Black T'tubbie …why not?

Narrator …because this is a kid's show.

Dipsy **That's** why we've had to act like **fucking retards** for years?!?!

Narrator Um…yes. Why'd you ask?

Lala We were told were had to because they'd kill our family otherwise!

Narrator Who did? I'm working here as a part-time job for gods sake! It was this or McDonald's!

Black T'tubbie Don't worry, we understand. McDonald's workers are one tiny step below prostitutes. By the way, I have a name. And it's not the Black Tellietubbie. It's Emily. Emily the Strange.

Po Isn't that a brand of punk clothing?

Emily Shhhhhh. _They_ are watching us.

Lala How?

Emily (points to a giant glass square that blocks off the rest of world) Right there, if you squint at it you can see millions of faces looking in.

TinkyWinky OMFG! I'm naked! In public! My worst nightmare!

TinkyWinky is dragged to the nearest nudist camp to get over it. Both he and Dipsy stayed due to the fact there were some very sexy Tellietubby's with porno channels. Emily, Lala and Po go back to the dome house to talk to the narrator.

Narrator I'm really sorry about this. I was under the impression you were here of your own free will. By the way…who is it that makes you stay here?

Po Bella.

Emily Bella? Bella? Who the fuck is Bella?!?!

Lala That blue-skinned, blonde bitch from the Tweenies.

Narrator But why?

Suddenly all screens go black, even the giant one that blocks off the rest of the world. The baby face disappears from the sun. Then Bella's face appears on all the screens except for Emily's stomach because she has a remote control. Bella Because…the screen time is mine. You little fuckers get all my attention! You're the most popular children's program in the entire world! You've been translated into 50 different languages god damn it! And all you do is eat, sleep and say 'Eh oh'! And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that meddling Emily.

Emily is sitting in front of a mirror, channel flicking. Emily …huh…were you talking to me?

Bella I was! How dare you ignore me?!?!?

Emily Could you keep it down? I'm trying to watch Shaman King re-runs.

BellaYou're ignoring me to watch shows you've already watched?!?! The impudence!

Bella turns off all TV's except for the one she's on. The big one. Emily gets up and gets back on her motorbike and drives away in a huff. Po Aw great. Now we have no-one to talk to…

Lala I wonder if there were any sexy guys in that nudist camp…

Po HEY! I'm a guy!

Lala You are?!?! I thought you were a girl!

Po And I thought no-one could be gayer than TinkyWinky but then I saw Dr Crowler on Yu-gi-oh GX. Your point?

Lala Urgh…I hate these bodies! You can't tell the sex of the person! We don't even have reproductive organs!!!!

Bella STOP IGNORING ME GOD-DAMN IT! YOU MOTHER FUCKING SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF BITCHES AND PRICKS!

Lala You could have joined in the conversation politely but no, you had to be rude.

Po Now we will punish you. Ready Lala?

Lala Ready Po.

Po and Lala You're an ugly girl, your face makes us hurl. It's so tragic, you should bag it! Acne everywhere, and unwanted facial hair, you're a relation, of Frankenstein's creation!

Po You're so ugly. You disgust me.

Bella No! I'm not ugly! I'm pretty! I'm my daddy's pretty princess! C'mon Jake let's go have fun.

Jake I'm sorry, but you're just too damn ugly.

Bella Oh, screw you Jake.

Jake Too late, Fizz did already.

Bella Ewwwwwww! Grossss!. Bella ran away to go cry to her daddy to tell him about the meanies, and Jake gives the Tellietubbies freedom of channels. Po Yay! Freedom! And cable! What the fuck…

A huge tank sporting several additional guns rolls over the hill. It pulls over next to Po and Lala who wet themselves. The hatch opens and Emily jumps out. Emily Hey, where'd the bitch go? I'm going to teach her why you should never, ever mess with my anime watching.

Emily pulls out an L8A1 semi-automatic air-rifle. While she loads it with bullets Po faints.

Lala He's such a pussy…

Emily Po's a guy?

Lala Apparently…

Emily No shit?

Lala No shit.

Emily Really?

Lala Really.

Emily Positive?

Lala Positive.

Emily You sure?

Lala I'm sure.

Emily Truthfully?

Lala Truthfully.

Samuel Jackson (comes running across the fields) I have had it, with this mutha fucking repeating of the same mutha fucking answer! I just rescued a mutha fucking plane of people from mutha fucking snakes! I don't need retarded mutha fucking fuzz balls acting like mutha fucking parrots!

Emily and Lala Sorry Mr Samuel 'mutha fucking' Jackson! We'll stop!

Samuel Jackson: Thank you!

Emily So what am I meant to do now? I have tons of ammo, fire power, one hell of an anger management problem and nothing to take it out on?!?!?!

Emily, Lala and Samuel Jackson go on a field trip to Disney Land. The only person to survive was a young boy named Mike Mitchell who vowed to poison everyone's mind against Disney because Lala had screamed while gunning down a Mickey Mouse actor, that they were the new parade: Disney's** Apocalypse**.

The End.

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Dude, that sucked…

**Emily:** You suck. You can't write anything meaningful unless you do it by accident.

SHUT UP! I own you! You can't be mean to me!

**Emily:** …you still suck.


End file.
